Information evening, and moving forward.

We are now officially on the adoption path.
There were only 7 families at our evening meeting (there was also one that morning) Ourselves and one  other couple, the other 3 where there on their own, two may have been married. Was interesting to see the mix in ages and nationalities.

It was wonderful, sad, exciting and scary all rolled into one.
The session was overwhelming at times, and I often got confused with the terminology - who was a guardian - the birth parents or the foster parents? They used the term for both.
A large portion of the first half was about fostering and how to minims risk of allegations. This scared the b-jesus out of hubby and I. I thought 'oh my' what have we got ourselves into, we just want a child to complete our family. But they explained the background of a lot of fostered children and that protecting yourself and the child needs to be a priority.

They then went on to talk about the different kinds of care.

• Fostering - short term care: you know the child is going to be returned to the family once CYF is happy that they have the ability to care for the child themselves.

• Home for Life - this is where you bring a child into your home, and they stay, they become a member of your family. They have been for ever removed from their own family. They may have been in foster care before as their family has tried to get it right. As the foster family you share guardianship with the birth family, and have to consult on major events and decisions such as schooling, medical issues. CYF still is involved and manages contact with the birth family. After a few years and all going to plan they then are no longer considered to be in CYF's care, and they are considered your child. The child stays in your care until they turn 16. This is more common than adoption. And from what I can see in all the information we were given it is just about the same. I chatted to the co-ordinator after and she told us that it is highly unusual for a child to be given back to the birth family. It would have to go to court and a judge would decide what was in the best interests of the child. Talking to her made us feel so much better about this option. As initially we have been very wary of 'Home for Life' but are now going to be on the list for this.

• Adoption - this is where the birth family have chosen to give up the child, and the child then legally becomes your child, including getting a new birth certifcare. The info sheets describes it 'as if the child was born to you'. This is our ideal, but only happens once in a blue moon here in NZ. International adoption is our of the question for us, as it is expensive and takes a long time.

They showed us pics of different children and told us their stories. Our hearts melted and we both want to just say give us all of them, we will take them home and love them. Made me so sad that these innocent darlings have ever had to suffer, and made me angry that 'parent' could ever be so self serving. Yes we all make mistakes but these are adults, and these are choices that they made.

So I am going to have a conversation with my younger sister who is an early childhood teacher, and has a degree in that area, and talk to her about what age group we should look at. As when we submit our application we specify what age group, gender and ethnicity we are open to. We know it is a toddler or younger we would like to bring into our home but need her expert option on this.

We also need to start preparing our spare room. My youngest sister is about to have her first child, and my first nephew and we are very excited!! She and her husband intend for him to spend time at mums and our house. In that effort, mum has gone out and got a car seat that can easily be interchanged between her car and mine. We are also going to get our spare room set up, so that it is ready for when we have our nephew comes to stay and then there is a room ready for when we eventually bring our own wee one home.

It is feeling more positive. It is moving now and we can see the end in sight. We are still realistic and know what we may never get chosen and may end up being a childless couple.

But there is hope, and we need to have faith.